Friday, August 12, 2011



Plot: Really?! Killer in a mask slaughters everything. Let's move on.

Ok so there has been a significant lacking in the world of the slasher genre. In fact other than a few indies keeping it alive, the only representation we dear bloodthirsty fans have had in the mainstream has been remakes. Okay Friday the 13th was pretty sweet, and an upcoming review will explain that SCREAM 4 didn't suck. But really where is the new batch of chaos craving masked crazies? The Orphan Killer has been on my radar ever since the first time I flipped through a magazine to discover an add "The Orphan Killer: Facebooks original mass murderer" or something along those lines. So, ol Boony hopped on the facecrack and checked it out. Psychotic killer, videos posted (including a fav him holding Bin Laden's head after he was confirmed dead), lovely violent quotes.... Okay cheesy yes. But this in 2011, it takes alot to get attention unless you are famous, and have a vagina. And they had my attention.

My expectation were nonexistent. Too many times the genre has let me down with horrible acting, horrible writing, painful homages and inside jokes, and just... crap. Yet here I was ten minutes in. Blood splashing everywhere, heavy metal blasting in the background through the whole thing. Okay. Good sign. 30 minutes in. Limited plot- cool. More time for killing. Killer looks awesome. Okay. Oh that was a sick kill. Make up is sweet. Damn. Ok keep expectation down, don't hope don't you dare hope. 60 minutes in. OMG loving this... I'll have to facebook him. And was that a "cry little sister" heavy metal remix. Sweeeeeeet.

And in the end... No let down. This was a blast from start to finish. Maybe I was simply hungry for anything slasher. Maybe it was the nudity, and buckets of blood. Maybe it was the real world makeup... or hell... the lack of craptacular classical music in favor of ear tickling rifts... but damn was this fun. Yes the acting is still a lil weak, but really there is so much murder you hardly notice. And the writing is a little off at times, but the cast has real fun with it, and when they are on, it so works.

Horror fans, get your giggity on... I can't imagine this one letting you down. Yes it's low budget so if you are waiting for the next 50 million budgeted remake, fine, not for you... but to everyone that grew up on evil dead, TCM (no I am not explaining that D-bags, if you don't know, go F--- sum peanut butter), and killers that could come back even after being decapitated and hacked to death... enjoy.

HORROR SCALE 3.5 out of 5 stars
MOVIE SCALE 2.5 out of 5 stars

Sincerely Charles B. Boonsweet



The plot is as such... Mattey McConaughey (for the first I am spelling, or copying and pasting that only this once, for the sake of my fingers he will B Matty Mac) is a lawyer who believes absolute that all are entitled to a fair defense. In face a superb defense, a role he relishes. Defending the undefendable. This has cost him much in his life, but hey at least he has his principals, and a Black guy to drive his Lincoln (ya, I wont even touch the question there, did I mention he wears a lil 50s hat too... No no jokes, moving on). His office is in the Lincoln backseat by the way. Anywho he eventually finds a client that will test his worth as a man, and as a lawyer.

Ok so did I make that sound like it sucked? Like you've seen it before? Like F Matty Mac? Well it was suppose to be all those things. Yet for some reason I found myself approaching this movie with a sense of hope. Much the way a child approaches a used bag of ruffles potato chips (PLUG!) hoping to find some delicious and crunchy remains. Part of that hope was that a few people actually let me know that the film had impressed them. People I trusted, people I knew to be thoroughly unimpressed with all of Matty Mac's ROMCOM shizzie (possible exception "How to lose a guy").

This is actually a very well written, and exciting, old fashioned (with a new twist) law film. I am sure that much of that goes to the original novel the film sprang from. I could definitely see places that the screenplay over looked back story and character development on a few key members of the supporting class. However that was the best choice, focusing on Matty Mac and the court room drama is what was needed. It's enough. Matty Mac is actually very good in this, as is the often underrated Ryan Phillipe (see "Franklyn" or "Way of the gun" if any of you ho Nuggets doubt me). Should not have been a complete surprise having suddenly remember his previous turn as a lawyer in " A time to kill". He is at home in this role and he makes it his own. Enough charm buried in his conflict to ensnare the passer by.

I will admit to loving Lawyer films, but so often they get lost in their own attempts to complicate, and complex up the drama. This is simple brain vs brain, evil vs good... winner take the verdict. I had a blast. The ending does leave a little to be desired, and seems a lil too convenient (I have my own band of merry drug dealing bikers) but... still F-U-N fun lol...

LAW FILM SCALE 3.75 out of five stars
MOVIE SCALE 3 out of 5 stars...

COURT is in session bitches!

Chucky B is out!