Sunday, September 29, 2013

Blood. Gore. No shame. Survival Horror at its finest.


One of the more modern complaints about horror films is how rarely they really go for your throat. Punch you in the nuts, really push the limits of what you can handle. Hostel came out and every DTV horror flick was claiming to be the next Torture Porn extravaganza. But they weren't, hell some of them were barely movies - Anyone remember CAPTIVITY starring the super cute, now puck bunny (married to a Toronto Maple life dontchaknow) Elisha Cuthbert. They sold that film with promises of extremes and horrors beyond your ability. Then you watched it and it was hardly PG, made no sense, and Cuthbert's torture was more or less her screaming, crying, and watching her dog die... only even that wasn't real and her dog was fine...

Ok, yes, that one was so bad it stuck with me. My point is, true gore loving horror fans don't have much to get excited about. I want a film to dive across the line, mess me up, have me laughing uncomfortably at the screen as I process the chaos... I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE has always had the balls to be that film. From the first time I watched the original (1970s), I watched members of my teenage circle stand up (boys and girls) and walk out. And the rest that stayed were mind blown. A film that showed you what real bad guys would do to a pretty lady, then showed you more and more... stacked it so much on one side, that when the tables flipped and she started slaughtering them... you were practically cheering. Then the original remake happened and man, balls to the wall again... I enjoyed the shit out of that one.

The type of film you wanna gather you semi-demented film loving hombres and see if they cover there eyes or catch a stomach toss in their throat... just to bring you the joy that you survived something they could not... ya... you know what I'm talking about... the kind you text right after and your thumbs are all like... Holy Balls Joshie D you gotta see this shizzie it will scar you. To which your friend is all Boony Mac, BS, I can handle anything. To which you then smile and invite the punk over.

Twisted yes. Gore horror fan, yup.

Aw shucks you're so pretty... 
SO here we are, I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE 2. In no way ties to the original other than here we have another tale of a woman done so very wrong, who will have her revenge. So your story is such. Small town girl moves to the big city to be a model. Ends up a waitress (no, I promise, this is not a true story). She heads to see a pro photographer for a shoot to help her out, they want her to get sexy (and less clothes like) she says no, leaves. However one of the creeps becomes obsessed with her, follows her home and has his way with her. Then he calls his friends to help him out. Girl is drugged, wakes up in another country, and all kinds of horrible -HORRIBLE! shit happens to her. Then... she will have her reeeeeevenge! (insert evil crowd approved laugh)

Man, the whole time I was watching this film I am struck by two things. The acting by the lead is again above par. These are insanely intense scenes and the Girl in question - Katie - (played by Jemma Dallender) sells every moment. Even later when she is all out to get even... she holds her intensity in check. Seriously, and I mean this folks... You put an A-list actress (let's say Chloe Grace, or Abigail B) in this film. Give it a catchy award title like - The Lost American - and write the same story about an aspiring model that is taken and used for horrid things before rising up... you would have all kinds of award buzz. And I know, maybe I'm crazy, but this girl Jemma, man someone needs to notice her work here. Anyone watch this and tell me they didn't believe her performance... nuts.

Yo. You still think I'm pretty?
Next the directing. Much like the um, "Original" Remake lol, the directing is above par too. And stays away from handheld shooting too - Yay! Some really nice shots in here. The lighting and angles in the tunnels for example. Nice work there with blocking, and camera placement. Ya. I just called out blocking in a horror flick review - cause I do what I want bitches! Man do they go for it (In for a penny dontchaknow). I mean the violence is off the charts... straight up. Side up. Round up. Down up. All ups. Make up, all of it, and extremely well done. You will look away from the screen at least once. Probably more. Puss bother you? If it doesnt it freaking will ... And women out there, much like the last one, its woman power all the way once the tables are turned.

There are people who are not, and will never, be the type to enjoy this genre of horror. They'll quote grindhouse heroes, and discuss the glory days... but they hold this stuff under a microscope, like its improper horror (Ya because the Revenge/raperevenge subgenre ain't been around for 40 years or nothing). Then there are those that just will never approve of a film like this, and damn it there should be fine outstanding folks opposed to such things. Gives society hope. I however have no such aspirations...

This is it folks... knee deep hard R modern horror. The acting in the supporting roles might be a lil weak... though the villains are a little less cartoonish (a little) than last time. The cop, is just hopeless. The music is well, trying to be something it is not at times... and a few other things. But dammit, how many films are there that actually pull this off well? Try to offend every part of your supposed decency and wrap it up in a pretty looking package? Not that many, and I have to say I'll be sitting on my couch with friends and a beer to check out the rest that follow -  till they screw it up.

One seriously twisted trip folks. Not for those easily offended, or grossed out. I mean it. No badges of honour here. This ain't no Human Centipede, or Saw, this is the real deal. Painfully real. I honestly can't even make my usually parade of cool humour and stuff (K, I did get a little in dere)... because well, damn flick kinda messed me up here...

How's that for an endorsement.

So Boony... is it better than the first one? Hmmm. I don't know, anything I could rate that on would prob just make me sound rather twisted, I will say with the bad guys, and the power of the lead... you know... there's a strong argument that it does surpass the original. But that tooth pull and mouth stuff from part one... might give 1 a violence edge... I dunno... you guys decide...

Look out for this Jemma Dallender chick... cute, talented, and able to go to some very dark places...

Movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars
Horror scale 3.5 out of 5 stars.

K. I did warn you damn Booniacs and Buckleheads! It's halloween, lotta horror on deck.

I can't believe another Sequel to a remake, that is another remake, was actually above expectations... (see Fright Night 2 review lol)... what the hell is happening?

- Boonsweet Out!

Thursday, September 26, 2013

It's time to get Riddick-ulous!!!


Ever since the days of Pitch Black I've been a fan of Vin Diesel. I even watched the Fast and the Furious movies because my fellow compatriot Chucky B. convinced me that I wouldn't regret it (and I didn't).  However, I will never watch The Pacifier, unless I'm paid to do it or someone gets me good and drunk first.

Anyway, one of more iconic sci-fi/action characters of the 21st century is Riddick  And today I'm gonna talk about the latest flick of his called, well, Riddick.  One of the things I've never really been able to roll with is the choices of movie titles in this particular series.  But titles don't always make the picture (I refer back to the Fast and Furious series for example), so I let it slide in this case.   So let's dive in and I'll let you know what I thought.

We continue the heartwarming tale of Richard B. Riddick with him already on the same planet from Pitch Black, mostly buried under a mound of dirt and rock.  He's battered and bloody, and right away is on the run from some of the indigenous wildlife in the area.  Once he finds a safe place to hold up, we get a little back story into the events that occur between Chronicles of Riddick and the present time.  Once that's done some unimportant stuff happens that I won't bother to bring up.  Well ok, one thing that happens is he adopts and raises a dog-like animal as a pet.  No, really.

Is that a Walmart I see in the distance? I must make it there!

And then time passes.  After some extensive travelling, Riddick comes across an abandoned mercenary station.  After finding some food and hanging around for a little while he notices a storm slowly coming his way, which is huge trouble as one of the species of wildlife comes out of the ground by the thousands to soak up the rainfall.  Sensing his time on the planet should soon come to a close, Riddick pushes an emergency beacon in the station, announcing his presence on the planet.  Before long, two ships arrive, one after the other.  One ship carries a team of bounty hunters, the other a team of mercenaries.  Both teams want Riddick, and Riddick wants one of their ships so he can leave before the storm hits.  From here on in, it's a rather simple premise: two teams of people hunting Riddick, and Riddick making fools of them.  Until the storm reaches them that is......

Let's get into what I liked.  While I didn't particularly like many of the characters, the ones I did like were fun to watch, and some of their lines were just damn hilarious.  Vin Diesel is just as Riddick-y as you expect, and I was happy with that.  For those of you looking to catch some Katee Sackhoff boobage, just a warning: you get a very quick side-boob shot, and that's it.  So keep your eyes peeled and enjoy it while it lasts, haha.

Gah, your breath is the worst thing I've experienced on this planet yet!!

The CGI was meh.  Some decent shots here and there, but there were some bad times.  Riddick's dog seems to move too fluidly at times for example, and there was a scene with these hover-bikes that were so obviously green-screened it was groan-worthy.  But I wasn't expecting much there anyway.  There was also pretty decent action throughout.  Some shaky-cam as you might expect, but not enough that it was overbearing and annoying, which was nice.  Oh, and a minor fight-based spoiler, there is a Vin Diesel vs. Dave Bautista go-time late into the movie, but it's way too short to please anybody, which was disappointing.

One thing that sort of disappointed me was that the part where the lights go out and the creatures come out to play didn't happen until pretty late in the movie.  I was expecting it to not take up quite as much time as the whole daytime bounty hunting thing, but I was surprised by how little time was actually given.  It would have been nice to see everyone fight a little bit more against something they all have to band together for, but it wasn't meant to be I suppose.

If you're any sort of fan of Vin Diesel, or of the character Riddick, you should go see this flick.  It doesn't aspire to be anything other than down and dirty Riddick action, so if you go in with the correct mind frame, you should enjoy it for what it is.  And besides, apparently Vin Diesel leveraged his own home to help finance this flick, so at least watch it in theater to make sure he doesn't become homeless, lol.

Movie Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
Sci-Fi/Action Rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars.

-Ken Bucklesworth

@KenBucklesworth, @BoonsBuckles

Chiller classics present: Chucky!

Oh the 80s. The absolute golden age of Horror. Oh if you wanna disagree with me you are welcome. You can argue for the merits of the origins of sub-genres in the 60s, or the evolution of violence and sex (Gaillo anyone?) through the 70s. But the 80's were just limitless. The direct to video market was evolving, and profitable. The make up kids were growing up and pushing the limits of what was possible before the de-volving the computer age has inspired.

And it didn't matter how crazy your idea was... if they could figure out how to do it, and spill a fair amount of blood along the way... peeps were down.

So with that in mind I wanna do something here old Boony has yet to do... THE RETROSPECTIVE (insert kick ass theme song - Wilson Phillips 'hold on'? haha No - Night Ranger Sister Christian of course). With Curse of Chucky dropping in a few weeks I thought it would be a great time to sit down, and unleash all of my reviewing awesomeness on one of the crazier, and longest lasting characters to come out of the 80s. CHUCKY!

You may think that names like Freddy, Jason, and Michael, have the fame edge on the little guy, but I say this... is Chucky any less known? I mean you mention you watched a Chucky film, I say 90 % of the people you name drop around will know who you speak of. Seriously try it. The other, Freddy? No small Co-incedence that Freddy and Chucky just so happen to be the most chatty of the bunch...?

Ok enough. Let's do this homies and um... homettes.


So your plot: A super serial killing bad guy Charles Lee Ray played by the man, the Myth, the legend, Brad Dourif, gets gunned down by a cop (another icon in his own right - Chris Sarandon). It just so happens Charles is a voodoo master, and manages to transfer his soul into the nearest object - A 'Good guy' children's toy. A mom, with a son in the midst of Birthday who desperately wants a Good guy doll, buys a toy from a bum (who managed to get his hands on the doll after the shooting). So her son Andy is stoked. And well, he quickly realizes that his doll can do a little more than smile, and say the 4 lines it is suppose to. Did I mention Charles aka Chucky can only transfer his soul into the body of the first person he tells his secret to? Well, guess who's soul he wants to replace on the tenant list - Little Andy. Blood, kills with miniature doll toys, and a whole bunch of disbelieving adults, and bam 87 minutes of 80s horror.

How did this movie become so damn popular? I mean by all accounts it should be horrible (ok you could make an argument that it is, I will not make such an argument). There is just something so damn watchable about this flick. Something any horror film that is not terrifying most have - FUN. And is it. There is something about the puppeteering of the Chucky Doll perfect fusion with Brad's voice, that breath a life into a 2.5 foot plastic toy. Making you believe this thing could be killing full sized adults. You factor in the kid in peril, and the frustration of those damn adults and you have yourself pure popcorn munching gold. Rights issues, all that, and out of all the series... the Chucky bluray boxset was the first to make it out of the Nightmare, Friday, and Halloween series. Proof that the love for this character has stood the test of time.

The first entry here,  is the tamest of the bunch. Strangely, I don't think the most enjoyable. It's definitely the most straight forward horror of the series. Taking time to build the suspense, and really trying to get creepy. Then the showdown hits you in the face with insane violence, and a doll screaming all kinds of unholy shit - and you're like. I want more of that. And well, they listened. This is a great start. Andy is a likable kid, and despite lacking any real acting ability manages to get you to root for him. And the rest of the characters (even his mom) are wonderfully kill-able (me word? I think so, trademarked).

The opening chapter ends with Chucky in burned and dismembered pieces. The scene in the hallway, with parts of Chucky exploding in gunfire is just non CGI awesomeness.

Movie scale 2.5 out 5 stars
Horror scale 3 out 5 stars

CHILD'S PLAY 2 (1990)

The first film was a huge hit, achieving cult status immediately, and so it was a no-brainer the sequel would get green lit. And boy freaking howdy did they crank it up. Someone realized (could be the 90s effect) that the film was silly as hell, and trying to some how bring this doll back and keep the film even marginally clean cut horror... was ridiculous... so they focused on what the fans wanted: A whole lot of Chucky mean muggin' and dropping F-bombs, and, chaos.

Poor lil Andy. His Mom is locked away for believing in talking people killing dolls (those damn doctors). The cops involved with the first film who were clear and coherent witnesses, including the one that was kind of into Andy's Mom have apparently vanished. So, you know, just roll on past den plot holes there. Now Andy is all sad and Lonely, and travels from foster home to foster home. Around the time Andy arrives at a surprisingly warm family (who is aware of his past), the makers of the Good Guy dolls decide to bring them back. This of course somehow involves them using the remains of Chucky from the first film... why? Don't freaking know. But it does allow Chucky to come back (and I mean really Jason's corpse got hit by lightening in part 6, so thin is allowed).

Chucky kills the boss, finds Andy's location and heads to the Foster home. There Andy and his would be parents try to deal with his past in more ways than one. Along for the ride is the 'Troubled teen' girl who is staying with the family, and takes a liking to Andy. Of course that bond is tested when he starts claiming the doll is trying to possess his body. And people start dying. They eventually end up in a crazy ass showdown in a toy factory that just goes for broke in glorious fashion.

How can you not love this flick? I remember passing the VHS (ya, I'm oldish and stuff) on the store shelves and thinking one day when I was free the parental restraints, I would watch that awesome looking thing. And I did in my mid teens and it was awesome. And revisiting as the giant man type adult I am... as awesome. I mean it is just crazy-ness. Chucky is outta control. One liners dropping like magic, some cool and creative kills. Poor Andy managing to pull his acting abilities together, and that showdown. I mean, that Chucky is one determined soul sucking bastard. Just a blast from bell to bell. I got slap it down a bit for story, and such. I mean its just ridiculous, but as for as horror fun... bonus points all around...

Movie Scale 2 out 5 stars
Horror Scale 3.5 out of 5 stars

CHILD'S PLAY 3 (1991)

Geez. Did they even let the money hit the ground before they cranked this one out? I believe the only DTV of the series. For obvious reason's, and generally considered the weakest of the lot. But you know, I gotta step up for the Chucky Bastard child here, it still manages to be FUN. Stupid, and some times painful, but still FUN.

This time around teenager Andy (they grow up so fast, sigh) has been sent to a military school for unwanted, or troubled, or well... there's a bunch of kids there. After all the years have passed the Good Guy company is at it again, deciding that its a great time to refresh their good guy doll line. So of course they decide to use the remains from the Chucky in Part 2 (still preserved at the toy factory, why? Again, you're watching a flick about a voodoo doll, that kills people... Brain stop thinking!) Chucky comes back, people die, and he heads for Andy at military school. Of course there are Douchebags at the school that take a dislike to Andy, and a cute, authority challenging girl that likes the troubled kid. There is also a young kid that Chucky ends up being discovered by. He then decides that kids body is now prime soul real-estate. So begins the new battle, with Andy playing protector, and being much the wiser than the scared kid he used to be. Well, at least, a little smarter.

There are some great lines in this one... Can you believe it Andy, Chucky's gunna be a bro. Some cool supporting characters (something the other films lack hard) and a few really fun scenes. For instance Chucky exchanging all the paint rounds for the "War games" with real bullets. There are still some silly, silly, things in here. Like the fact Andy is like 16 and the girl that he's into looks about 25. And before you ask... clearly George Lucas was inspired to right the Anakin romance right here. The Nerd is a fun addition, and the soldier that cuts hair with a deeply unsettling joy is a hoot. Especially when he crosses paths with Chuck.

The final showdown is the weakest of the series taking place in a haunted ride in an amusement park. Finishing with Andy dealing with his fears, and blasting Chucky with new found courage and sniper skillz. And then Chucky is left in pieces by way of his um... biggest fan. Hahaha Had to. I'm writing this... you guys get all the damn joy reading it so, I'm allowed some giggle.

movie scale 2 stars our 5 stars
Horror scale 2.5 out 5 stars.


Chucky gets lucky. I mean, come on, that is just gold. The late 90s saw a rebirth of the Slasher. Well, more accurately the sub-genre of the Teen Slasher. So the man behind every single one of the Chuckys (that's right all written by the same chap) convinced some peeps that he could work Chucky into the trend, and create some sweet sweet celluloid genius. And did he. How can I describe the FUN here. I saw this in theatre and laughed, and clapped, and just loved my life for 89 minutes.

This time around the world seems to be aware of the chaos of Chucky, at least somewhat. A former flame - the 90s sextastic Jennifer Tilly - of Charles Lee Ray (you know way back when Chucky had fleshy parts) gathers his remains from an evidence room, and tried to reanimate him after stitching him back together (and giving him a sic evil new look). Chucky comes back, reminds her he's a dick, and he decides to mistreat him which leads to her being killed, and for some reason brought back by Chucky as another Doll. She happened to have a chick one of equal size chilling in her trailer. So convenient.

At the same time a very young Katherine Heigl (Yes her) is having trouble having romance and sexy time with her boyfriend due to interference from the town sheriff - Her legal guardian - John THE MAN Ritter. Her man happens to live at the same trailer park as Chucky's bitch, and next you know he is transporting the Dolls across country for the grand reward of $1000. Cause I mean in '98 a thousand dollars was enough to start a whole new life for new kids running away... actually wait, what? Ah screw it, its Chucky 4, just roll with it Boony, just roll.

If you like violence, both creative, and extensive, and love listening to Brad Dourif yell kick ass one liners - Those dishes ain't gunna clean themselves honey. Well, I mean, how can you not love every bit of this film. Having watched all of them recently with a few friends (hence my choice for Retrospectiveness) I gotta say, for pure enjoyment... Bride is the best Chucky. The characters are likable, the acting is far above the previous entries, the directing - Ronnie Yu - you know the man behind Jet Li's Fearless and Freddy vs Jason. Ya I just found that out for this article and it blew my mind. Same dude. Also a film call The Postman Fights Back with Chow Yun-Fat hahah. Crazy. Anyway my point, the guy is talented, and the quality of the camera is far above the whole series... and well most 4th entries in any horror series. Chucky going through the window near the end... just an unreal shot.

This is just a blood soaked, tongue firmly in cheek, ride. And just when you think it can't possibly get any more ridiculous and crazy... the last twenty seconds happens... and credits roll. And if you're like me you stare at the screen going...

What in the poppycock.
Still my fav of the series. Just fun all the way through. No slow down, no apologies, just - Ya. We're actually gonna do this with a straight face. And the death by 18 wheeler grill, sweetness.

Movie scale 3 out 5 stars
Horror Scale 4 out 5 stars


One look at that poster, and you just know what you're in for. Just, ya, you know. So I mean, I tried to have my expectations low the first time I watched this. And it still managed to cause deep, throaty groans. Haha after the fun and freshness of the last entry, it seemed scribe Don Mancini, had a handle on his creation. Then, money was tossed around, and someone decided the last Twenty secs of Bride of Chucky were worth 87 minutes of your life.

Ok so this time around, Chucky and Tiffany (apparently gathered from the actual murder scene at the end of Bride of Chucky) are robotic puppets on-set for their own Hollywood movie, about the infamous murdering dolls... ya. Before you try to wrap your mind around that, apparently some guy found their just-born child in the same end-scene graveyard, and is now trying to when Ventriloquist comps... once you know his baby doll grew up and could talk... in a British accent. Sigh... so then the sad lonely doll sees the Chucky and Tiff interview (being faked by a Hollywood puppeteer) and realizes his parents are alive. He escapes the clutches of douchebag Ventriloquist and heads to find his family. Of course he some how has the medallion and reads the magic voodoo words, and boom! Chucky and Tiff come back to life. Then together they follow an actress, Jennifer Tilly (as herself, and also the voice of Tiffany) home and chaos ensues.

Wow. I mean, just, wow. How the hell did this film see the light of day? It is just utterly ridiculous. And we are talking about the fifth entry in a film series about a killing doll. It takes a lot for a fan of the series to label anything as ridiculous. Now, as far as, SO BAD ITS GOOD, maybe. I mean their are those out there that enjoy this entry. But there is just too much stupid. I mean the opening horrible CGI sperm and baby birth sequence alone lets you know you are in for a horrid experience.

Then add: no explanation for why Chuck and Tiff aren't trying to kill each other... the fact that their child is gender confused cause he was born without parts. The ridiculous overuse of the Japanese angle (Glen/Glenda the kid thinks they're Japanese because of the made in JAPAN logo on his arm, get it cause he's a doll) and music. A martial arts showdown at the end... Yup. Um, things like, wait how the hell did they get to this guy's house? How did they even know where he lived? Um, how the hell does Glen/Glenda have the necklace? Exactly why is Jennifer Tilly in this movie? 

But hey. There's a bunch of cheesy violence, cameos (Redman, John Waters, and so on), Chucky has a few decent lines though as your head swings side to side and you scream WHHHHHYYYYY?! Who knows if you'll hear them. After the awesome B-movie vibe of the whole series and the climax of Bride  it just really seemed only good things could be ahead... Lies! It tries so hard, even blowing up a Britney Spears lookalike... just tries so hard to be liked... Could have something to do with the writer of the entire series Don Mancini stepping behind the camera for the first time...

Movie scale 1 out of 5 stars
Horror Scale 2.5 out of 5 stars

Which brings us to current events and the upcoming series reboot with a fresh clean cut Chucky Doll...

I am stoked! Early Buzz is damn good... apparently a throwback to the awesomeness. Stay tunes a full review will be dropping on release day October 14th - What's that... just in time for Halloween? Why you shouldn't have Rogue pictures.

I have had a freaking blast, big shout out to my Chucky Peeps Liz and Ty, for hitting the couch snacks, and chat, through the adventure. Great time. Hope some of you had a fun trip down memory lane, and hey maybe a few of you eager horror beavers who have been looking to get into some great classic slasher ventures... Don't you forget your Chucky fix. I'll Finish the first ever retrospective with a few fun facts... (think I'll make this a mainstay of the Retrospec)

- Did you know the 1st, 2nd, and Bride of Chucky earned 183 mill world wide? Ya. Including Child's Play 2 opening #1.
- Chucky always loses his right hand before dying in the original trilogy. Shot off in 1, torn off in 2, and cut off in 3.
- For Seed focus features, because of their being known for artsy flicks, created the sub company Rogue Pictures just to release the film.
- Charles Lee Ray is the combination of Charles Manson, Lee Harvey Oswalt, and James Earl Ray
- The original Title for the Child's Play was Blood Buddy
- To help get into the right mood for Chucky, Brad Dourif would run around the recording studio, work himself up into a real frenzy and then deliver his lines. This would often leave him feeling drained after each take. In fact, he nearly fainted after recording Chucky's scream when he gets burned alive.
- John Lithgow was apparently almost the lucky one chosen to voice Chucky. Ya. Think about that haha. Crazy.

I had a blast with this, hope you loyal Booniacs, and Buckleheads dug it. Thoughts, feelings, rants, and chest bumps, always welcome.

- Chucky B Boonsweet

Monday, September 23, 2013

CRAP! (Sept '13): When B-friends make a B-movie

CRAP! Some times movies are just so bad that by the end your palm is bruised from forehead impact, and your brain has liquified and began to drip, slowly, from your ears. So I Charles. B. Boonsweet have decided to stand up, and take the film loving bullet for you. I give you CRAP! A segment devoted to the silliest, worst, not worth time, films I come across. Sometimes new, sometimes old... but always, always... RANT inducing and remote tossing. The rules of my normal reviews do not apply (there is no film love here!). There may be spoilers, random rage, and hell... I might even invite the filmmakers to a parking lot throw down... we'll see... Enjoy Booniacs!!


It's that time again... Oh yes, I know you have eagerly been waiting to bask in the rage, and ranting, of yours truly Charles B. Boonsweet. Wish Granted Yo! Another worthy entry in the ever Popular CRAP! Segment. Films that I have suffered through so that you, my appreciated public, will not have to subject yourself needlessly in a blind desire to be entertained... Annnnnnnd Go.

Five minutes into this movie and I'm already worried. Then Kane Hodder shows up, and makes me giggle, and I'm all like - Maybe this flick has a chance yo! And then a guy falls down, and his friends proceed to (in what is suppose to be a so funny its bad way) say "have a nice trip" and "See you next fall".

And I was back to being worried. It is instantly obvious that writer/Star Alyssa Lobit, is one of those writers that thinks if you just bunch a bunch of young folks together and have them say stupid rude shite to each other... it makes them real, and you care about them... and its funny...

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Oh, and then one of them turns out to be trying to stop drinking... Wrong. I mean the writing is just bad, very bad, like jokes about smoking crack... and the obligatory "Who has the cocaine" question. I get it, the homage factor. They even go so far as to have the setup being a theme party; theme being - 1984 prom. So now they all get to dress and look, and apparently act like they're from the 80s. Get it, because cool horror movies happened in the 80s.

Ok, slow'er down Boony... the plot... like I said a bunch of friends gather for a night of dress up, hookups, boobs, and booze. The theme being the aforementioned 1984, and the twist, that its a murder mystery, trying to find out who the killer is. So um, it turns out there is actually a killer, and they will stumble over real, and fake clues, and have no idea they're in peril till... its.... too... late. Well, then things take, dare I say it, an unexpected twist... revealing the killer, and motives... and things get a little interesting... for about 38 seconds. Then its back to a bunch of badly written dialogue. And the remaining two thirds of the film. Which is a "You guys had this coming" angle.

So there... thats outta the way. Back to what's important... me... and my lovely thoughts that make the ladies goooooo -

Wait, there's 48 minutes of this movie left? 

I wanted to like this movie. I wanted to love this movie, for one awesome reason - Danielle Harris. The little girl from the oft forgotten Halloween 4, and 5. Who grew up to be a wicked sexy B-movie scream queen. This is her first directing effort, and I was really excited to see her behind the camera. Ya know what, she's not half bad. Considering the budget there was some effort and skill here. The problem is in two parts - The acting is horrible. I understand this was a labour of love and she made it with friends, and friends of friends. But thats what you know, high school kids do... and that doesn't always work out well come oscar time... right. I mean the violence in particular... when it does happen... what the hell? You know anyone that gets an eyebrow cut off and you know... just lips off the villain, and hardly reacts.

Oh and how about a nail through the hand... and reacting like you were getting your blood drawn for the donation drive.

Alyssa Lobit as the menacing villain... tries so hard to be all kool McKiller, but fails... badly. Comes off like if Gossip Girl did a slasher special. (man my analogies are on fiiiiiire Yo!)

Jennifer Blanc... considering her work in THE VICTIM... has managed to strike out on bunts twice in a row. You like that analogy? I thought it got the point across. I haven't watched anything else with her in it, so maybe its just when she works with people shes close too, I dunno.

Next up, I wanna address all these reviews I saw saying this is a great independent homage to the glory days... K. People. We need to stop referencing the glory days. For two reasons, 1. The 80s were lightening in a bottle and people need to stop trying to imitate them. And 2. When you try to do it now, it rarely works. I mean really how many successes do you have there... Halloween, Laid to rest, Behind the mask, The Orphan Killer, Dale and Tucker vs evil... I mean its a short list.

Danielle Harris. Boom goes the dynamite. 

Perhaps the biggest issue with an 80s homage is people rarely go for broke. I mean guts everywhere... gore... and teenage sex. Lots of that last one. I guess the problem making a movie with a bunch of friends is its hard to ask them to get naked. But combine that with amatuer makeup... a rather lacking in the gore department, where the hell is the homage? I mean I have seen some badly acted, low budget gold in my years of horror... and Miss Harris has been around enough of it (the hatchet series for example) SHE SHOULD KNOW BETTER! 

Despite all this, maybe just maybe, it may have worked if you actually liked some of the characters. The most attractive blonde... who is stoned out of her mind for the movie had possibility, but alas she's just ruthless too. That's a major issue... they are all horrible people. Cheaters, rapists, cheaters, liars... Um, who am I suppose to root for.

There are a few moments in here I should call out. The trip out scene with the stoner thinking she's on set. Its a lot of fun, with some crazy cool homages... and I have no doubt DH played a big part in that scene. Even a nice cameo in there... its just so fun that it makes the rest of the movie that much paler in comparison. Assuming that was mostly Danielle's idea, then the question is where was that awesomeness for the rest of the flick?

So to recap.
Horrible writing.
Almost no violence.
No sex (well hot naked sex, and really, thats the only sex that matters!)
One really cool trip out scene.
Way below par acting... though again the high blonde - Brianne Davis (did the best with what she had)
The twist at the end is pointless because you care for no one involved be them victims, or supposed righteous. I mean ok you decide to screw over a few people... because of rape and stuff. But what about all your other friends? They had sex with someone in a relationship... so they should die?

I hate to do this ok. I have a movie crush on Danielle, and I love the horror scene... but there is no excuse for this. None. You cant blame the budget, there are too many better options coming out. Not masterpieces... but way frigging better. Danielle I wish you all the best in your directing future... but this is a bad film.


I can fix it in two minutes... all the drugs the stoned girl is on counteracting the paralysis drug, and she managed to get up, and fight... and well... make something interesting happen... I'm trying hard not to ruin everything here.

For whatever reason.

Oh and yes... in case you are wondering they left it open for a sequel.... YAY! YAaaaaaaaay!

movie scale 1 out of 5 stars
Horror Scale 1.5 out of 5 stars

Boonsweet is saying this could be a rough year for these here horror adventures Imma gunna go on....



Sunday, September 22, 2013

Long boring knight


It is almost halloween (yes I know a month seems long its not!)... so you just gunna have to bear with Ol' Boony here, cause there will be a lot of bloodshed and mayhem being reviewed in the next few weeks. If you are simply a fan of PG film ventures... well, first I'm a little confused why you would be here reading this lol... second... you may wanna look away till november.

All this horror and gore means I will be occasionally drenched in weak sauce. And here folks, is our first entry. Indie, made for peanuts, straight to VOD, weak sauce...

Bud Light promo - Here we go.

Ok. A dude and his holmies hit up a monastery, and take the "Holy Grail" from a dying priest, to be transported somewhere, for some reason. There is a plague befallen (Ya old school language) the land, a plague of the hungry undead. These men, and one priest, will voyage through the land... kill a guy who's bald brother comes after them, and deal with the Undead will trying to make it... to wherever they were going for whatever reason.

You may at this point be asking: Well where were they going and why? 

And you know what dear Booniac, you have a damn good question there, problem is I don't have an answer for you. I really don't know. I'm assuming this film was shot in New Zealand (and its sunday, i'm recovering, and I'm too damn lazy to look it up, so sorry if it was filmed next door to you) and got access to a real castle, and decided to build a movie around it. Its like they took ideas from a few movies, dumped them together... hired a legit costume designer... and dropped zombies in the mix. I mean they had a clever title, beautiful backdrop, and a castle. What could go wrong...?


And this is your leading man/hero

I honestly do not know where the grail was headed or why. Maybe it was mentioned once, I didn't catch it and it wasn't brought up again. There are all kind of WTF moments here. For instance; You must hit the zombie in the head to kill it. To which heroes say - Ok. And then consistently, and very clearly do not stab them in the head. Stomach, legs, arms, and the zombies stay down. Even though they clearly weren't head shotted, or double tapped.

Point 2 - the grail. There is a whole conversation in the film that clearly points out the powers of the grail. Even pointing to the fact that drinking from the Grail cures the plague. So you know, maybe when someone gets bitten... you could offer them a sippy sip from your god cup.

Point 3 - CGI. I was beginning to think indie film makers were getting lazy. Why bother putting time in on makeup when you can hire Mrs. Green's grade ten computer class to due some killer graphics. But now I'm realizing, that their just aren't people out there, available that can do makeup right. So whenever a head gets severed, someone gets impaled, you get horrid CGI. Shame, as always, and it just makes you shake your head as horror fan.

There really is no real structure here... and can priest's have sex... and still ask the man up stairs to have his back later? The villain that is chasing them through zombie land to avenge his brother, who was killed while trying to rape a plague victim (yup let that settle in), is just comical. I mean looks like I could hire my G-ma to take him out. And he tries so hard to be bad. Really though, you are up against 4 guys that took out like 30, and you decide to follow them into a land full of zombies... just u and a buddy... and you think you're gunna you know... succeed?

Oh tiny bald man, you are so scarrrrrrreeeee. 


They actually tag this movie with "Black death was only the beginning" across the DVD case. Really? Come on. So that other low budget, not so great film was only the beginning? Hahaha... thats like me making a movie about sharks that get shot out of a giant potato gun and saying "Sharknado was only the beginning" . Ah Pop culture references... see this is how I stay relevant with the kids.

Below par acting.
Below par writing.
Horrid CGI.
Plot holes large enough to drive your friends riding lawnmower through.
Some actually decent costume work.
The make up that is in the film is well done.

Movie scale 1.5 out of 5 stars
Horror movie scale 1.5 out of 5 stars.

You may be asking is this film was crap worthy. Really close, but considering everything, I did not hate the film, or feel completely robbed of my life minutes. Though, it was close.

Oh and one more really crucial point... where was the knight? Where they all knights? They didn't look or act like knights. I don't even remember hearing a "Sir" in there.

(Ok. A quick shout out to a friend I was in a Rob Zombie debate with the other night... My feelings aside you gotta give Zombie credit for keeping his flicks Practical. All make up, non of that bargain basement or otherwise CGI)

It's football sunday and Chuck B Boonsweet is starfishing like a demon. And loving it.

Loving the season folks.
Happy Fall.





Oh yes.
A giant all star laden Kung Fu flick (yes I know its Tai Chi, but dammit KUNG FU flick just rolls off the tongue better... or finger tips in this case). Featuring fights done by THE Yuen Woo-ping. Now if you are sitting at home scrolling through my lovely reviews ways and saying to yourself - Who in the Freaking F is Woo-Ping you speak off dear Boony. Well how's this - Drunken Master, Iron Monkey, Fist of Legend, The Matric trilogy, crouching tiger hidden dragon, kill Bill... every fight, in those films and many others designed by Woo-ping. So ya, legendary. Woo good.

Do Ninja foot to face films need plot? Could be argued I guess, I mean The Grandmaster for example had way too much... but I think if you just stick to your - Someone in peril and hero saves em - plot you're ok. Haha... ah, I kid, but let's face it... martial art films are pretty much 1. You killed someone I cared about now I kill you, or 2. You wish to destroy this helpless village/farm/company I will stop you. Variations welcome.... so with that in mind...

The plot: Super Tai Chi Ninja dude- THE MAN OF TAI CHI (played by Tiger Chen, I known, love the name), with strangely flat and perfectly separated hair is fighting to prove his skills in a friendly competition (think Karate Kid style tourney). Then a big evil guy, Donaka Mark (played by Keeeeeeeanu Reeves) catches his moves and decides he should star in another tournament. A big dark evil street fighter tournament that he streams to a bunch of super high paid types. I know; will the rich ever be satisfied by something other than death and destruction? This film submits; no. So Tiger is all "No I can't do this, it would disgrace my master". Then the Tai Chi temple is found to have a ton of health code violations, and he needs money to help his master... So he starts whooping on peeps for $.

Along the way he will realize his true nature, battle his own darkness within... and have to defeat the evil Donaka.

Oh ya. Theres this cute cop hunting Donaka. Does that matter... not really.

Standard stuff. If That a bad thing? No. I mean Ong Bak was a movie about a guy chasing a stolen statue... that was it. Why? Not entirely sure. But it was a great excuse for a ton of violence, and stunts.

This film is no different. The plot is really just an excuse to kick and punch ... well... pretty much everyone. So let's talk about the meat and bones of the NMOTM here at Boonsweet&Bucklesworth. The fights. Keanu Reeves is making his directorial debut here, and honestly, jumping into a film where you are going to have to catch Woo-Pings insane choreography in say 80% of the film, could not have been easy. There is a distinct style here, in contrasts. Keanu in slower moments, in build ups, uses long drawn out shots, letting you drink in the scenery and such. Then once the fight starts, its a flurry of cut shots, and swing camera... Normally I hate fastly cut fights, here however, he manages to catch each crazy move as it happens. Man is punching then kicks.... camera cuts to the angle to capture the kicks impact, cuts again to show body hitting wall, cut back to follow punch in towards target... it takes some getting used to, but after the first couple of fights I found I was enjoying it. But believe me when I say many will not.

The fights themselves (shooting aside) are fantastic... many different fighting styles here... even a cameo by the Star of THE RAID: REDEMPTION though he is criminally underused. Why!? why hire the guy and then have him star in the one fight that gets interrupted?... BULLSHITE!

They finished 3rd on SYTYCD asia... 

Fight of the Film: The insanely fast and cool Master and Student rumble. It was a fine treat to finally see a master hold his own against his troubled and talented pupil. In fact more than hold his own. I'm old school... I see an aging master, I'm like that guy could whomp everyone... nice to see my inner feelings backed up.

The acting... well should we talk about it in a fight flick?
It's not that good. Tiger is well, really rough when not kicking people, and it makes sense as this is his first jump from stunt duties (on the Matric trilogy for example). Though, their is some inherit likability there. Keanu, well Keanu... what can I say. Love this canadian, and he is completely over the top here. I mean, why is he always so angry... like it's 1 pm in your office, you're rich, smile once in a while. But I think that was his point... pure Darth Vader come to the dark side style. So in that sense I enjoyed his mean mugging.

Overall there is a lot to like here...
Could have used a little more eye candy... meaning women... but hey that's just me and my refuse to age hormones....
There is also a lot to hate here if you wanna pick on the performances, and editing... you could. And I would understand. As a fan of the fight films however, this was one of the finner examples I've seen in a bit, and the final showdown was awesome fun.

Movie scale 2.5 out of 5 stars
Fight film scale 3.5 out of 5 stars.

And go.

Boonsweet is saying HI-YA later... was that bad? It was bad, ah well. lol

@Tallwhitefox for Boonsweet
and @Boonsbuckles for the duo... who occasionally remember to post there :P

Monday, September 16, 2013

Really, who doesn't like bacon?


K. So this here celluloid adventure isn't exactly old enough to qualify for our notorious Chiller Classic segment, but dang it... we are on the way to halloween here, and I (and my blogging cohort) will be watching all kinds of crazy horror shizzie... and some of it deserves recognition.

So, this film kinda flew under the radar, did well enough to warrant a DTV sequel (no need to ever watch that)... but really kind of disappeared into the "just another OK thriller" bins. Before I descend into reasons why I think you may wanna add this to your Hallow's eve countdown watchlist (assuming of course you do, because all the cool kids would)... let's get to da story yo!

Our leading man, Tom Witzy (played by the gravefully underrated Kevin "Watch The Following" Bacon), is hypnotized one fine eve by his wife's bitchy sister. He leaves the session shaken, and soon after starts developing some disturbing abilities... like premonitions, and an awareness of a spirit haunting his house. Something his young son is already aware of. From there it is a borderline descent into insanity as he tries to discover the source of his visions without the loss of his wife.

Turns out ghost chicks won't let a guy man-nap either...

All I remembered from this flick was the ending, and one scene... one very cool, impressive scene... the hypnotizing scene. They take a different approach to it. Instead of watching an actor pretend to sleep in a chair after fingers have been snapped. The suggestions she passes to Mr. Bacon play out in first person... and it has a very surreal effect that I have still not seen equalled. It also makes a similar scene later in the film quite effective.

I wouldn't really classify this film as Horror... more dark thriller. With some sprinkles of equally dark humour. For instance, Kevin Bacon explaining to his wife that he has to "Dig" while he's tearing up her back yard. When she understandably wants more info... he answers with a rant followed by "I have to dig. So just let me dig".

Step 1. Shirt off. 2. Sweaty. 3. Crazy face 4. Dig bitch, dig!

Its the little things that stand out in this film for me... the Kill Bill  red color changes. The creepy kid talking to the camera "Does it hurt to be dead?". A random boob. And damn it I have to bring it up again the coolest take on being hypnotized on film - ever!

If you like you thrillers fast, and creepy, and your Bacon half crazy... well this flick is for you and should be  fine addition to your indie Horror loving ways.

Movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars
Thriller Scale 3.5 out of 5 stars.

Anyone else watch THE FOLLOWING? Bacons serial killer hunting show... started pretty good, but damn that ending was weeeeeeeeeak. Like wednesday weak.

- Charles Boonsweet signing off folks.

Check me

or hit me up here with thoughts, feelings and rants... :)

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Schoooooooooool's out 4-eva!


I watched Spring Breakers a little while ago and instead of instantly reacting as I am prone to do in fits of film emotion... I paused. I pondered. I let it sink in. Here we have a film that I had absolutely no idea what to expect. We have 4 very hot, attractive, hip, actresses (well ok 3, and one thats married to the director). We also have the strangely all over the place James Franco. Then sprinkle in Harmony Korine. The man that wrote one of the darkest, most in your face portraits of the american Teen in KIDS (which if you havent watched, you really should check out)... and also wrote and directed another insanely twisted and dark piece of youth film again with GUMMO.

So here's the thing...
Everyone involved with this film told anyone that would listen. That it would be dark, and strange, and really different... and everyone said Ya, right. A film starring Selena Gomez, and that chick from high school musical that has a habit of cell nudies leaking... even if it is rated R, its still gunna be bubble gum kaka. And people went to this expecting... well probably the exact opposite of what they got. Somehow.

The plot is simple enough; 4 friends managed to raise/steal the money to go on spring break. There they meet a bunch of strange, and topless people. Get busted at a party, and get sprung by a street thug - James Franco's - Alien. And well, things get weird...

Everyone, I need you to gather round your HD display here... I liked Spring Breakers. A lot. There is a scene near the beginning that has the girls robbing a restaurant in one shot... and after that I was hooked. I understood I was in for something all together different from what I've seen before. And really how often do you get to say that? This film is unlike anything I have seen before. Now, is that alone enough reason for me to fall for it? No. As we have seen in my reviewing days (cough - Holy Motors - cough) weird is not enough. Is the endless parade of nudity enough? Ok. It helps, but no, what makes this movie work is too very surprising things...

No damn it, not just hot chicks and handcuffs! Just keep reading...

1 - The acting. James Franco is so over the top and insane, that you will love the guy. Case in point the "Check out my Shit" speech/rant. And there are other gems in here. The scene where Two of the girls act out the robbery for Selena gomez can see what they did actually gave me chills. Its a really dark scene... and the beginning of the realization that this film is actually about true blue psychotics. Also Selena getting to flex her chops in a one on one with Alien. 

2 - The narrative. There is a strange surreal narrative that each actress in the film takes part in. While scenes of partying and beaches smooth across the scene, they talk of fun, and never wanting to leave, and friendship. Something that suddenly leaves the film in the last quarter, and helps to increase the impact of the final (and very chaotic) ending.

Harmony has proven to have a sense of the modern Teen, when you consider Kids was twenty years ago! (god I am getting old... er... lol) he has somehow managed to stay connected. This film never feels like it loses its connection to reality, which makes the insanity that much harder to handle. When the switch comes... three girls circling a piano with shotguns and masks, while Franco plays a piano version of Britney Spears... well, you can't quite shake that real feeling... Its F'd.

I mean there's room for me, right Selena? Come onnnnn...

Listen, understand, you might hate this film. Lots of people have, but I think they expected something completely different. For me, watching a twisted, dark, original piece of film... with an ending that is not only unexpected, but satisfying, was very much therapy. If you are fans of the Director/Writers earlier work, well you will prob roll right into this one all good. If you like seeing a lot of boobs, and you enjoy Gangster Violence... all good. And if you just like taking a chance on a really different way of story telling... probably still... all good.

But, honestly, prepare for weird. And some very interesting performances. Double J Jeff Jarrett as a cult priest? Yup.

Movie scale 3 out of 5 stars
Weird movie scale 3.5 out of 5 stars.

I can see this film in 10-15 years having a huge cult following. Especially with Ashley Benson, Selena Gomez (or as I call her See-Go), and Vanessa Hudgens, all climbing the fame ladder higher and higher.

Chuck Boonsweet saying I need a scooter and spring break stat!